When I was very small, I was a happy, carefree kid. In kindergarten, I enjoyed going to school. I had a nice teacher and a lot of friends to play with. But, after I entered the first grade, I began to have problems. I was affraid to go to school. My mom would have to wrestle with me to get me to go. It was very stressful for her. "What are you afraid of?" She would ask. "I don't know." I would reply. I later realized one of my fears, I was afraid to be dropped off somewhere by myself without a family member, which I still suffer from to this day. Its a fear that I cannot get to where I want to go if I feel I need to. Its as if I feel stranded. In school, I was also afraid of getting sick while at school. I was afraid of throwing up without my mom around. I had good reason for this, though. I was Lactose intollerant, and we didn't know it. Every morning before school I'd feel fine. I'd have a peice of peanut butter toast and a BIG glass of cold milk for breakfast. After a few minutes I'd feel nausiated, and fight with mom about going to school. Mom didn't know why, she thought I just didn't want to go to school. Then, at lunch time, I wouldn't eat lunch because I felt sick. The lunchroom lady would bargain with me;"Well, if you can't eat your lunch, how about you drink this carton of milk?" "Okay." I agreed. Not much later after lunch, I'd go off to the nurses office (almost every day of the school week!), I'd be panicing, afraid of throwing up. I cried so badly that the nurse didn't know what to do but call my mom and have her pick me up. I figured, that was another reason I was nervous to go to school, and maybe it also triggered my fear of being alone in a public place. I also remember being afraid of something bad happening to my family while I was at school. Mom beleives it was because I saw a thing on the news about a family murdered in their home. And when mom was late picking me up, I was having a panic attack. I'm still like that. I often get panicky when a loved one is late, or I can't get ahold of them on their cell phones. I got to the point where I wouldn't go to friend's houses, I wouldn't stay the night even at my cousins', and I think situations in the past had contributed to that. Since I was 6, I've battled this disease. Sometimes its worse, sometimes it's better. But, I know that with hard work and help from God, I will someday conquer it.

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